Being married to your Band

Yes you have heard it before. Being in a band is like being married to all of your members. Its absolutely true. I’ve been in 4 bands throughout my life. Not all at the same time but this has been true in all of them. Some band “marriages” are better than others. But in any case, its always an intense relationship. You spend countless hours with these people. (if you are doing it right) Sometimes more than you spend with your own family. You come to know the gross habits, their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses. And they will come to know yours. Juggling a lot of personalities can be tough. Especially when your goal is to create. Others on the outside will have a hard time understanding. They may get jealous. They may wonder why your band members lives come up in conversation. Its not quite the same as the relationship you have with co-workers in an office. Music is so much from the gut. And sometimes the only way to tap into it is to spill those guts, to each other, to your band mates. Because a lot of the time good songwriting comes from tragedy, or heartbreak. And so, naturally your band mates are going to know a lot about you, and you will know a lot about them. I think this is the part thats not always mentioned in blogs about, “being in a band is like being in a marriage” Songwriting requires sharing personal stories. And so you become very close to these people. That might be the toughest part for your non music family, like your spouse and children, to understand. But its part of the job. My advice is to keep enough personal stories that only your family at home knows. So that they can feel special too. But let them know why you have to share some very personal stuff with your band family…… because it makes good music.